It was meant to be...

There’s no doubt that you’ve either heard or said the phrase, “it was meant to be”. It’s our way as humans to comfort ourselves, particularly when we do not know specifically why something happened; a salve to apply to those emotional wounds that defy explanation.


I’ve been thinking a lot about how much I believe that things are meant to be. If one believes in predestination, that the circumstances in our lives are fated, then “meant to be” certainly works. But what if you are someone who genuinely questions how fate intervenes with day-to-day happenings? 


There are many people who do not find comfort in being told “it was meant to be”. This well-meaning explanation can be considered offensive as it intends to explain everything from why you did or didn’t get that job as to why someone lived or died. 


In Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, we question these kinds of thoughts and beliefs and attempt to find evidence as to their reality. My reality is that sometimes I do want to believe in “meant to be”. However, what I am also concluding is that there are many things that happen to me in which I simply do not have enough information. I know what my desires or intentions were, and I now know the outcomes or consequences – but somewhere in the middle lies the information that remains hidden and unrevealed. 


I am learning to accept all kinds of unexplained outcomes and circumstances in my life. Not because they were “meant to be” but because there were unknown circumstances that influenced the outcome that I have no control over. In learning to accept, I am able to reconcile.